Returning from my master’s study in Melbourne and now staying in Indonesia has given me a profound realization: I’ve become someone new, whether I feel ready or not.
Coming back, I see clearly that I’m no longer in my early 20s. Life now carries weight, the responsibilities more evident, my parents gently aging, and familiar yet troubling patterns resurfacing around me.
Melbourne was carefree joy, days spent in blissful spontaneity with a cup of flat white in my hand. Now, here I stand with the realities of work, family, and a partner, all while striving to care for my own wellbeing.
I knew this would happen eventually, leaving my safe space and facing reality again. My thoughts spin endlessly, questions swirling relentlessly: Is this adulthood? Is this what it means to grow into a woman? Will I ever again live as freely as I did in Melbourne?
It’s not that I’m unhappy here. In fact, I am happier than myself before coming to Melbourne. Yet, the happiness feels qualified, complicated by a thousand little “buts.” Nonetheless, life moves forward, and perhaps the best I can do right now is to trust in the flow.
Originally written on: Apr 30, 2025
Leenana's Writing 
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